~sdrawkcabssa~ The new year has begun, and I have to say that my new year didn't start out good at all. Shit, I'll go as far as saying my new year was just..., have you ever had a feeling of such deep digust that you can't even explain it. Like talkin to somebody wit extremely bad breath; you can't even be clever about it wit ur jokes, cause it's just that bad. Never in my life have I started out the new year with an "argument". I'm talkin 3 in the mornin, arguin wit Bella, damn near begging (and looking back, now I wish I hadn't let so much of my emotions out, and I'm probably only saying that cause I didn't get my way, but that's besides the point) her not to make the decision she made. I know in the entries under this, I was confused and I wanted answers, but I must admit, I didn't get the answer that I wanted. The whole time I was talkin to her that night, I kept hoping she would say "ok, fine calvin" but that didn't happen. Anyways, it's a wrap and we're friends now, now I'm goin on wit my life. Now, on top of being up all night (5:00 AM) I had to be to work at around 4 and I was hungover like a muthafucka, add to the fact that I was angry/sad about the whole Bella situation, I didn't say shit to anybody that day. Niggas kept askin me what was wrong wit me and all I could do was shrug my shoulders and do my work. I wasn't supposed to close that night, but they were gonna make me cause ryans punk ass called in (hungover) but I won't havin it. I would have lost it, but chris stayed for me, i owe him for that one. Later that week, the apt. management decided that they wanted to lose half of me and conway's rent, and their trying to fine us for 375 rent, plus 75 for it being late, when we clearly turned the money in at the same time, so there's no way they only got half. So I gotta handle that problem. I have to say that I've never had so many thoughts floating around my head. I couldn't even go to sleep last night because so many thoughts were passing through my head. I felt like it was a football game goin on inside my skull and each player was a different thought and emotion. It was surreal. I have one more thing to get off my chest about the my whole new year fiasco. While we were talkin, Bella kept bringing up something that I said months ago, and I quote, "when you call someone at 3 in the morning, it's usually about one thing." I said that to her when she asked me a question along those lines. I don't regret saying it, or how I said it. She just took it the wrong way. I just don't understand how despite the fact that I tried to explain what I meant when I said it, despite the fact that I basically poured my heart out to her that night, she was just so non-chalant about shit. On some "so the fuck what shit" And she pretty much said one of the biggest reasons for her cuttin me off was because of that. I would have felt a lot better if she had a bigger reason, than me giving her and honest answer to one of her questions. Muthafuckas always want to say that honesty is the best policy. That's bullshit! Everytime I tell the truth about some shit, I end up getting fucked. And I want to so bad just be on some fuck it shit and tell lies when it's convienient, and tell the truth only when it's convienient, but I can't. I hate liars and everything about them. I hate when people lie to me, and because of that, I try my hardest to tell the truth all the time. That might sound like some bullshit, but it's true. I'm not saying that every single thing that comes out my mouth is the truth, but when it comes to serious shit, or questions that people ask me, I tell the fuckin truth, and that shit hasn't gotten me anywhere. So I don't know what to do about that. The truth shall set you free=Assbackwards.