Don't hate the playa, Hate the game~ and I hate both. Game...what the fuck is it? is it being able to talk the pants of a chick? Is it being able to attract women with little to no effort? I don't think it's any of those, hell, I don't think game is anything but...a game. And to be honest, I'm tired of playin it. I've successfully spent the last five years of my college life "runnin game" on chicks and failing miserably every chance I get. Hell, the only time I'm really happy with a girl is if I meet her by accident. You know how it goes when some unexpected shit happens. For example, you ask a chick for some paper or something and she gives it to you with a number on it, you start talkin to each other and next thing you know, your fuckin her. Now that ain't all that bad, I have no complaints when that happens, but I do have a complaint about what happens when I actually try to get at a chick. Whenever I see a girl I like, and I try to get at her, I'm always that nigga who's "cool and all" but not her type. And I can't for the life of me understand how that works out. I always get fuckin "friended" and it's a wrap. Which brings me back to game. My game is not strong enough and the force is not powerful enough for me to get my way. Here's a good story, I can be chillin wit my niggas, and each one of us will approach a girl, somehow someway, both of them manage to get homegirl talkin (cause that is really all you need to do) but when I try to get homegirl talkin, I get "the look". We all know that "the look" means 1 of 3 things: your ugly, your a clown, I have a man. I know for damn sure that I ain't ugly, I do know that I can be a clown sometimes, but most of the time I'm pretty chill, and as for the man thing, if that's her excuse, you can try to argue and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't, but I don't have time for drama so I don't even try. I think my problem is the fact that when I approach a woman, I start thinking about what I wanna say so much, that whatever comes out is garbage. My mind'll say "my name is Cal, can I buy u a drink?" but my mouth says some ol niggerish shit like "ay yo, whats good wit you, you got a man?" Now, no matter how hard I try to ignore the facts, I know that I'm gettin old. I'm 23 years old (not too old but still...), and even though I don't wanna admit it, I gotta find a girl to kick back wit. This shouldn't be a problem, but it is. It's a problem because, when you adopt that mindset, you lower your standards. It may not be that way for everybody, but it is for me. I can tell that I'm lowering my standards, and I'm not even talkin about looks, I'm talkin about the qualities a girl has. While a few years ago, I may have only fucked wit chicks in college, I find myself fuckin wit girls who haven't been in college and don't know what the fuck they wanna do. The conflict is crazy, because while I know that I should hold out for somethin better, that clock is steady tickin and next thing you know I just wasted 5 years looking for "the one" who I can't find, and I refuse to let that happen. On the same line, if I force myself to accept somebody, the chances of that relationship surviving is slim to none. It's a double edged sword cause I'm still wasting my time. The confusion is starting to take over to the point where I just wanna say fuck it, and wait for something to happen, but that would be taking the pussy way out. Since I call myself a man, I got to act like a man and face my challenges head held high, and just not give a fuck. My problem is, It's hard for me to not give a fuck because I look at how things could turn out in the future, and not giving a fuck is not going to make my future better. Sometime I hate the way my mind is constantly overwhelmed with thoughts, I just want to turn it off and live for a change. Add to the fact that bitches (keyword: bitches, not my beautiful sisters) don't know what the fuck they want (they want to date a thug, but marry a man who takes care of his BI, but when a man comes her way, she's so blinded by the thugs edge, that she misses the man who wants nothing more than to see her smile) and you have a whole 'nother side of the coin to look at. A side that I don't even want to begin to touch. Now I know that if anybody I know is reading this, your probably getting a good laugh right now, but shit, if you haven't figured it out yet: This is me, Pure and uncut. You can get no closer to knowing me than this page, which is why I don't write in it everyday, I choose what I want to put out there. It's some things up here that I'm ashamed of, and things I'm proud of, but it's all me. Love me or hate me for it. If you love me for it, then I love you right back, but if you hate and got jokes, then I probably never gave a fuck about your opinion anyways.
Peace (Y).