Crossing that stage~"Hope all my true muthafuckas know this be the realist shit I ever wrote Against All Odds!!!" ~Tupac Shakur
I felt like I had to put that quote up there because it fits. At this moment, I feel something that I have never felt before in my life. A sense of accomplishment that I have never dreamed of. I remember back when I was 10 years old, living in Va Beach, and chillin wit my best friends at the time. Those days seemed so carefree. We did stupid things all the time and acted like nothing could touch us. No bills to pay, no tank to fill, no real problems. My biggest problem back then was how to beat sonic the hedgehog when it came out. Then I remember leaving and moving to hampton where I met people who I still chill with to this day. I remember the schemes we used to come up with to lure girls to my boy's crib. I remember the adventures (yes adventures, we did some crazy things back then) that we used to get into just to pass the time. I remember the fights we had against each other and against other dudes. But through it all we are all still tight as hell. Next I remember getting my acceptance letter to college. At first, I wasn't feelin college, I was tired of school and I wanted to just find my way. My mom gave me a choice, but I could tell that she really wanted me to go, so I went. She was my primary driving force, and she continued to be my driving force for my first two years of college. After the first two years, I realized that the world was cold. I was living on a campus apartment and I didn't have a meal plan. I had to buy my own food and whatnot. I was so used to just going to the cafe and actin a fool, that when I had to fix my own stuff I knew what to do, but I wasn't happy about it. After that experience, I realized that I needed to continue my education for myself, and not just for my family. I realized that there was gonna be a time where I would have to fend for myself and I couldn't rely on my peoples to save me. So I started taking school more seriously. Unfortunately, my first two years, I skated through and my GPA wasn't that good (2.14). So I spend the better part of the next two years trying to get it up. It was like climbing an uphill battle, but I got to the point that I wanted ( at least 2.9, not great but not bad either). I learned about different cultures in college, I learned how to talk to people better and best of all I learned how to fuck, (nothin but the realness). Through all the things I've been through along the way (personal problems, deaths, doubt, dispair, courtrooms, haters) I've managed to get to the point where nobody can say anything but "That lil hardheaded muthafucka done did the impossible. He just proved that you can take a lazy, selfish bonehead boy, and turn him into a strong, determined and dedicated black man." I can't thank anybody but God, because he has definetely watched over me all these years, because I know after all the dumb ass things that I have done, nobody could have protected me from more harm than he has. I can't even explain how real it is. I'm not gonna front like I'm really a constant constant member of the church because I'm not, but I know that God is the only reason that I have gotten to the point that I am at today and I'm not gonna act like it's wasn't him. Next I wanna shout out (you know I gotta give shout outs!!! You know what the deal is!!!) My uncle henry and my aunt laura: for being my favorite aunt and uncle. You two always pushed me to be better and had motivational things to say to me. I love you two so much. My grandmother Sellers: I stayed with you and pop pop for so many years and it hurt me so bad to see him go. He was the best role model I could ever have in my life, and I thank God so much that I had the chances that I had to spend time with him. To my grandmother Pearl: I honestly never got the chance to really know you, but I love you just the same. You have always shown me nothing but love and support over the years, and I am sad to see that your health has gone down a little bit. I will pray that you will recover and continue to be a blessing to everyone. To my other aunts and uncles: I don't really see you guys too much, but when I do, you always show me love and keep it real with me. For that you have all my love. To my Dad: We've had our differences over the years, (some you probably don't even know about) but despite the fact, you have been a very good father. I hear so many stories about other guys and the relationships they have with their dads and I feel like I won the jackpot. You have always motivated me to do better, and even though I don't listen to everything you say, I still hear you. I couldn't ask for a better father, and I love you. To my Step-father: Scott, I remember when I met you and you told me that you wern't trying to take my dad's place. I remember thinking "who the hell cares, it's not like your the first boyfriend I've met" I was 14 and by that time I had more important things to worry about than who my mom was dating. I knew she had a life by that time, because I had one too. But despite that, I respected the fact that you came to me like that, you didn't talk to me like a child, and I couldn't do anything but like you for that. I consider you to be as much a father to me as my real dad, and that's saying a lot. You taught me how to drive, you showed me how to change a tire, you taught me all there was to be about being a man, because you were there during those crucial years when my dad wasn't. If I never say anything like this again, I just want you to know that I love you like you were my flesh and blood because of the things you have done for me and because you bring my mom so much happiness. To my sister: Noshia, I remember when we were kids and we used to argue all the time, but no matter what, you never told on me (I remember telling on you a couple times though, but I didn't know the code then, you beat it into me :)) When you were married to HB I didn't see you that much, you were always gone, so we didn't really get to bond while I was really growing up. But you have more than made up for it in the past few years, with all your support and everything that you have done for me. Plus you gave me motermouth (Jazman) to boss around. I just don't know how long I'll be able to get her leave the room by telling her to go pick out a movie. Last but not least, Mom: You have been everything to me. You have given me love when I thought nobody loved me, you have motivated me when I thought nobody could motivate me, you have continually been the light in my life and If God is the first one I thank, then you are a close second. Nothing I do can thank you for all the car's you've gotten me, the clothes and shoes you've bought for me, the lessons you taught me, or the way you can inspire me. I can't say enough how much I love you. To everybody else, it's getting late, and I'm getting tired, so if I left anyone out, just know that it wasn't on purpose, I was really just touchin on family. But anyone else that has been a major factor and a big presence in my life, you know who you are, and I thank you for the support that you have given me as much as anyone else I have thanked. The last thing that I want to say is that for these past few years, I have spent countless days and months wondering who I am and what I am doing here. I haven't completely figured that out yet, but lets put it this way: I look at college like it's the gas station before a long trip. You leave the house, cruise for a little bit before you gas up, then you hit the road for a loooooong time. Well College was like filling up my tank (full of unleaded knowledge) before I hit the highway (real world). I just hope that I get to my destination before I run outta gas.
....When I cross that stage....
Peace (Y)
I felt like I had to put that quote up there because it fits. At this moment, I feel something that I have never felt before in my life. A sense of accomplishment that I have never dreamed of. I remember back when I was 10 years old, living in Va Beach, and chillin wit my best friends at the time. Those days seemed so carefree. We did stupid things all the time and acted like nothing could touch us. No bills to pay, no tank to fill, no real problems. My biggest problem back then was how to beat sonic the hedgehog when it came out. Then I remember leaving and moving to hampton where I met people who I still chill with to this day. I remember the schemes we used to come up with to lure girls to my boy's crib. I remember the adventures (yes adventures, we did some crazy things back then) that we used to get into just to pass the time. I remember the fights we had against each other and against other dudes. But through it all we are all still tight as hell. Next I remember getting my acceptance letter to college. At first, I wasn't feelin college, I was tired of school and I wanted to just find my way. My mom gave me a choice, but I could tell that she really wanted me to go, so I went. She was my primary driving force, and she continued to be my driving force for my first two years of college. After the first two years, I realized that the world was cold. I was living on a campus apartment and I didn't have a meal plan. I had to buy my own food and whatnot. I was so used to just going to the cafe and actin a fool, that when I had to fix my own stuff I knew what to do, but I wasn't happy about it. After that experience, I realized that I needed to continue my education for myself, and not just for my family. I realized that there was gonna be a time where I would have to fend for myself and I couldn't rely on my peoples to save me. So I started taking school more seriously. Unfortunately, my first two years, I skated through and my GPA wasn't that good (2.14). So I spend the better part of the next two years trying to get it up. It was like climbing an uphill battle, but I got to the point that I wanted ( at least 2.9, not great but not bad either). I learned about different cultures in college, I learned how to talk to people better and best of all I learned how to fuck, (nothin but the realness). Through all the things I've been through along the way (personal problems, deaths, doubt, dispair, courtrooms, haters) I've managed to get to the point where nobody can say anything but "That lil hardheaded muthafucka done did the impossible. He just proved that you can take a lazy, selfish bonehead boy, and turn him into a strong, determined and dedicated black man." I can't thank anybody but God, because he has definetely watched over me all these years, because I know after all the dumb ass things that I have done, nobody could have protected me from more harm than he has. I can't even explain how real it is. I'm not gonna front like I'm really a constant constant member of the church because I'm not, but I know that God is the only reason that I have gotten to the point that I am at today and I'm not gonna act like it's wasn't him. Next I wanna shout out (you know I gotta give shout outs!!! You know what the deal is!!!) My uncle henry and my aunt laura: for being my favorite aunt and uncle. You two always pushed me to be better and had motivational things to say to me. I love you two so much. My grandmother Sellers: I stayed with you and pop pop for so many years and it hurt me so bad to see him go. He was the best role model I could ever have in my life, and I thank God so much that I had the chances that I had to spend time with him. To my grandmother Pearl: I honestly never got the chance to really know you, but I love you just the same. You have always shown me nothing but love and support over the years, and I am sad to see that your health has gone down a little bit. I will pray that you will recover and continue to be a blessing to everyone. To my other aunts and uncles: I don't really see you guys too much, but when I do, you always show me love and keep it real with me. For that you have all my love. To my Dad: We've had our differences over the years, (some you probably don't even know about) but despite the fact, you have been a very good father. I hear so many stories about other guys and the relationships they have with their dads and I feel like I won the jackpot. You have always motivated me to do better, and even though I don't listen to everything you say, I still hear you. I couldn't ask for a better father, and I love you. To my Step-father: Scott, I remember when I met you and you told me that you wern't trying to take my dad's place. I remember thinking "who the hell cares, it's not like your the first boyfriend I've met" I was 14 and by that time I had more important things to worry about than who my mom was dating. I knew she had a life by that time, because I had one too. But despite that, I respected the fact that you came to me like that, you didn't talk to me like a child, and I couldn't do anything but like you for that. I consider you to be as much a father to me as my real dad, and that's saying a lot. You taught me how to drive, you showed me how to change a tire, you taught me all there was to be about being a man, because you were there during those crucial years when my dad wasn't. If I never say anything like this again, I just want you to know that I love you like you were my flesh and blood because of the things you have done for me and because you bring my mom so much happiness. To my sister: Noshia, I remember when we were kids and we used to argue all the time, but no matter what, you never told on me (I remember telling on you a couple times though, but I didn't know the code then, you beat it into me :)) When you were married to HB I didn't see you that much, you were always gone, so we didn't really get to bond while I was really growing up. But you have more than made up for it in the past few years, with all your support and everything that you have done for me. Plus you gave me motermouth (Jazman) to boss around. I just don't know how long I'll be able to get her leave the room by telling her to go pick out a movie. Last but not least, Mom: You have been everything to me. You have given me love when I thought nobody loved me, you have motivated me when I thought nobody could motivate me, you have continually been the light in my life and If God is the first one I thank, then you are a close second. Nothing I do can thank you for all the car's you've gotten me, the clothes and shoes you've bought for me, the lessons you taught me, or the way you can inspire me. I can't say enough how much I love you. To everybody else, it's getting late, and I'm getting tired, so if I left anyone out, just know that it wasn't on purpose, I was really just touchin on family. But anyone else that has been a major factor and a big presence in my life, you know who you are, and I thank you for the support that you have given me as much as anyone else I have thanked. The last thing that I want to say is that for these past few years, I have spent countless days and months wondering who I am and what I am doing here. I haven't completely figured that out yet, but lets put it this way: I look at college like it's the gas station before a long trip. You leave the house, cruise for a little bit before you gas up, then you hit the road for a loooooong time. Well College was like filling up my tank (full of unleaded knowledge) before I hit the highway (real world). I just hope that I get to my destination before I run outta gas.
....When I cross that stage....
Peace (Y)
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home