~Evolution
It's definitely been a while since the last post. Damn near 2 years. I have to say that even I am amazed at what my life has become since that last emotional outburst on August 11, 2008. To make a long story short, over the next two months, I busted my ass to find a job, any job, to get me out of the house. I relentlessly applied for every job that I saw, whether I felt I was qualified or not. I prayed to my creator to bless me with a "dream job" where I wouldn't have to get up early, and dress up. I prayed for a job where I would make 30,000 a yr or more. I prayed for a job where I would be surrounded by people of my own color, because i just feel more comfortable that way. It was a very picky prayer I'm sure, and if I was God, I'd have tossed my application out along with a few fallen angels.
"Who the hell does he think he is? Askin for all this shit...why i oughta..."
and you get the point.
The last puzzle piece to complete my dream job would put me in Atlanta, GA, because I always wanted to move there.
Why?
Because I always had this idea that Atlanta was this great Black mecca, where I could go and live as one with my people, like some kind of idealized American promised land for Blacks.
So I prayed every night to get a call back from one of the many jobs that I applied for in Atlanta. Two months later my dream came true.
I was at home alone and wanted to check my email so I could leave before my parents came back. It was the weirdest email I've ever received, like a written version of the disembodied voice you hear on an elevator. "Welcome to level 4!" It told me that I was selected to participate in a fingerprint session for a job with the IRS. I guess the goal was to make sure that I wasn't a criminal; or worse, a Black liberal. Anyways the fingerprint session was scheduled to be done in two days and I knew that I wouldn't be able to scrape up enough cash to make it to my promised land in that amount of time. It was like being given a winning lottery number two minutes before the drawing. Too little, too late. So I stared at the screen and read the email over and over, "Welcome to level 4" before I left to go to the bar, passing my parents on the way down the street. It was all so surreal that day. So close, yet so far.
A week, and quite a few trips to the bar later, I receive a phone call from a woman representing the IRS. She offers to work with my inability to make the ATL fingerprint session, and tells me that I can go the Richmond office to get it done. She asks me when I can do it and I told her ass "Tomorrow!! Tell them I will be there at 11:00!!"
And I couldn't wait to go to work that day. I couldn't wait to go to the Lobster and tell them that I was this {--}close to saying goodbye to the restaurant biz forever.
So the next day I was up bright and early. Leaving the house at around 8am. It only takes and hour and a half to get to Richmond, but I wasn't taking any chances. I ended up getting there at 10, and after sitting in my car for 10 minutes, go up. I was so nervous. I was expecting to walk into the middle of some sort of important human traffic jam, when I approached the office. You know how Hollywood shows the IRS office: "Everybody GO! GO! GO!!,MOVE!!MOVE!! MOVE!!! WE GOT PEOPLE TO AUDIT!!!" But it was actually pretty anti-climatic. It was empty and there were boxes and cubicles everywhere. When I walked in, a young man asked me what I was there for. I told him and he disappeared, a moment later an older black woman with really long locked hair came in his place. She introduced herself to me and led me to the back. She was very comforting. Just her appearance in and of itself instilled a sort of calm over me. Her presence told me that I didn't have to worry about my locks being a liability in my search for the promised land. It was very quick visit. We talked as she took my fingerprints, and she told me that if they were spending the money to get my prints, then I probably already have the job. "Just a matter of showing your ass in the interview and your in." she said with a smile. I drove home that day with the most fantastic smile on my face. Nothing could upset me. A few weeks later I receive another one of those emails, "Welcome to level 5!" I was told that I had an interview scheduled for the Saturday coming. What the hell happened to some kind of warning first. I still didn't have any money, to fly, and I wasn't too sure about driving. My car at the time was a Black'94 Nissan Altima with a '98 Engine, and I had been having some minor problems with it. I wasn't sure if it was up for a 9 hour road trip. The longest trip it had taken was a 3hr marathon to Lynchburg about a year prior. But something told me I had to go, no matter what, so I decided to drive to Atlanta, taking Charm and Aviso with me. I knew those were the only two who I could get to go to ATL with me on such short notice. Neither had a steady job at the time, and both were looking for a reason to get out of VA for a little bit. I needed the company for the 9 hour drive, and besides...None of us had ever been to the 'A'!, why the fuck not have fun while I'm down there?
When I got home from that trip I felt pretty good about my chances. I had the normal, post interview questions: "What could I have done better? Did I answer this good enough?" But for the most part, I was confident that I would get the job, and so was everyone else.
A month passes. I'm back in a funk because the interviewers said they would call the hired back within a week and I didn't get the call. I fell back into my old routine. Applying for more jobs, trying to keep the parents off my back. A brand new 24 year old at this point, I was really starting to feel like a loser. 24 w/ a bachelors degree living in the house with the parents. It was claustrophobic. And my patience was wearing thin. I had to figure something out. Then, one bright morning. My mom knocks on my door at 7 AM
"Damn," I say to myself "Did I forget to wash my dishes last night? That has to be it. Come in!!"
"Calvin...Telephone...It's the IRS," she says happily, phone extended in her hand.
I took the phone and heard the words that I have been praying to hear since graduation...
"Are you still interested in the job? Good! Heres the address, first day starts Monday after next, see you then!" Click.
I jumped up on my bed and nearly hit my head on the ceiling fan. At that moment I was the kid at Christmas, I was the fat kid with cake, I was the adolescent who just lost his virginity, I was a college grad, who just landed a job with the IRS!!!
The celebration didn't last long though because I only had a little over a week to close shop on all my Virginia affairs; pay all fines, pack all clothes. Decide who gets a goodbye, and who's life will I quietly slip out of. I Let my Lobster boss know the same day that I was leaving. He was happy for me and wished me luck. My last day was to be the following Wednesday. The next few days I sought out good friends that I hadn't chilled with in a while, because I knew that those would be the ones who I probably wouldn't see again for a very long time. I went to the bar with best friends, and toasted to a new life. The night before I left, I was full of mixed feelings. I was so happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. I spent my last night in Virginia with Taryn, who was twisting my hair. To this day I still owe her money, and I still intend to pay it, even if she's forgotten about it by now (I got you Taryn...Promise;))Sean came through to say goodbye and to crack a few last minute jokes. "She" came through too. I won't say who, but I was really happy to see her before I left. There was never any romantic involvement between us, but I always admired her, and wished that I had had the chance to get to know her better.
That night I drove home for the last time. One last romp through the Hampton streets. I cruised down Mercury Blvd, King Street. Drove around Hampton University, and visited the dock near the James River. The next morning, after taking care of some last minute preparations, I said goodbye to my mother. As much as I wanted to get away from her in the past, it was really hard leaving her that day. I put on a front like I was fine, but it was really hard. Hell, I was moving to a place 500 miles away, in which I knew no one! It was pretty intense. Yet even as I made it to Atlanta, to my dream job where I don't have to dress up, or wake up early for. My promised land where I can live as one with my people...I still have a lot to learn. These last two years have been a tremendous time of learning for me. Of growing for me. No longer am I the emotionally charged boy, who rants and raves about every little thing that doesn't go my way. I'm in charge of my own life now, and when things go wrong it's my fault. I've learned,since living here, that my perfect woman is not just going to fall into my lap, I have to be on the lookout for her, and be wise enough to not let her slip by if I meet her. I've learned that with time and patience my prayers will be answered. I've learned that no matter how cold the world can be sometimes, Karma will always work in your favor, as long as you work to sustain the goodness within yourself. I've constantly tried to improve myself since moving here, and though I may not always be successful, I will always take a lesson out of my failures.
I haven't written anything longer than a few short poems since I moved here. I plan to use the experiences that I've learned here, to renew my love of writing. I never fell out of love with it, but I have neglected it...for good reason, of course. It's really hard to write when your in the middle of a transition. Too many conflicting emotions racing around your head at one time, combined with a new and foreign city takes some time to dissect. I'm now just beginning to dissect what's in my head. To separate the lessons that I've learned while down here. I have much more to say but I will have to say it another day, because today was just an exercise. A way for me to metaphorically stretch my brain. I have to get back into the groove of phrasing my thoughts again, before I go into the specifics of my experiences in my own private promised land. So until next time, I'll leave with the same expression, because the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Peace(Y)
It's definitely been a while since the last post. Damn near 2 years. I have to say that even I am amazed at what my life has become since that last emotional outburst on August 11, 2008. To make a long story short, over the next two months, I busted my ass to find a job, any job, to get me out of the house. I relentlessly applied for every job that I saw, whether I felt I was qualified or not. I prayed to my creator to bless me with a "dream job" where I wouldn't have to get up early, and dress up. I prayed for a job where I would make 30,000 a yr or more. I prayed for a job where I would be surrounded by people of my own color, because i just feel more comfortable that way. It was a very picky prayer I'm sure, and if I was God, I'd have tossed my application out along with a few fallen angels.
"Who the hell does he think he is? Askin for all this shit...why i oughta..."
and you get the point.
The last puzzle piece to complete my dream job would put me in Atlanta, GA, because I always wanted to move there.
Why?
Because I always had this idea that Atlanta was this great Black mecca, where I could go and live as one with my people, like some kind of idealized American promised land for Blacks.
So I prayed every night to get a call back from one of the many jobs that I applied for in Atlanta. Two months later my dream came true.
I was at home alone and wanted to check my email so I could leave before my parents came back. It was the weirdest email I've ever received, like a written version of the disembodied voice you hear on an elevator. "Welcome to level 4!" It told me that I was selected to participate in a fingerprint session for a job with the IRS. I guess the goal was to make sure that I wasn't a criminal; or worse, a Black liberal. Anyways the fingerprint session was scheduled to be done in two days and I knew that I wouldn't be able to scrape up enough cash to make it to my promised land in that amount of time. It was like being given a winning lottery number two minutes before the drawing. Too little, too late. So I stared at the screen and read the email over and over, "Welcome to level 4" before I left to go to the bar, passing my parents on the way down the street. It was all so surreal that day. So close, yet so far.
A week, and quite a few trips to the bar later, I receive a phone call from a woman representing the IRS. She offers to work with my inability to make the ATL fingerprint session, and tells me that I can go the Richmond office to get it done. She asks me when I can do it and I told her ass "Tomorrow!! Tell them I will be there at 11:00!!"
And I couldn't wait to go to work that day. I couldn't wait to go to the Lobster and tell them that I was this {--}close to saying goodbye to the restaurant biz forever.
So the next day I was up bright and early. Leaving the house at around 8am. It only takes and hour and a half to get to Richmond, but I wasn't taking any chances. I ended up getting there at 10, and after sitting in my car for 10 minutes, go up. I was so nervous. I was expecting to walk into the middle of some sort of important human traffic jam, when I approached the office. You know how Hollywood shows the IRS office: "Everybody GO! GO! GO!!,MOVE!!MOVE!! MOVE!!! WE GOT PEOPLE TO AUDIT!!!" But it was actually pretty anti-climatic. It was empty and there were boxes and cubicles everywhere. When I walked in, a young man asked me what I was there for. I told him and he disappeared, a moment later an older black woman with really long locked hair came in his place. She introduced herself to me and led me to the back. She was very comforting. Just her appearance in and of itself instilled a sort of calm over me. Her presence told me that I didn't have to worry about my locks being a liability in my search for the promised land. It was very quick visit. We talked as she took my fingerprints, and she told me that if they were spending the money to get my prints, then I probably already have the job. "Just a matter of showing your ass in the interview and your in." she said with a smile. I drove home that day with the most fantastic smile on my face. Nothing could upset me. A few weeks later I receive another one of those emails, "Welcome to level 5!" I was told that I had an interview scheduled for the Saturday coming. What the hell happened to some kind of warning first. I still didn't have any money, to fly, and I wasn't too sure about driving. My car at the time was a Black'94 Nissan Altima with a '98 Engine, and I had been having some minor problems with it. I wasn't sure if it was up for a 9 hour road trip. The longest trip it had taken was a 3hr marathon to Lynchburg about a year prior. But something told me I had to go, no matter what, so I decided to drive to Atlanta, taking Charm and Aviso with me. I knew those were the only two who I could get to go to ATL with me on such short notice. Neither had a steady job at the time, and both were looking for a reason to get out of VA for a little bit. I needed the company for the 9 hour drive, and besides...None of us had ever been to the 'A'!, why the fuck not have fun while I'm down there?
When I got home from that trip I felt pretty good about my chances. I had the normal, post interview questions: "What could I have done better? Did I answer this good enough?" But for the most part, I was confident that I would get the job, and so was everyone else.
A month passes. I'm back in a funk because the interviewers said they would call the hired back within a week and I didn't get the call. I fell back into my old routine. Applying for more jobs, trying to keep the parents off my back. A brand new 24 year old at this point, I was really starting to feel like a loser. 24 w/ a bachelors degree living in the house with the parents. It was claustrophobic. And my patience was wearing thin. I had to figure something out. Then, one bright morning. My mom knocks on my door at 7 AM
"Damn," I say to myself "Did I forget to wash my dishes last night? That has to be it. Come in!!"
"Calvin...Telephone...It's the IRS," she says happily, phone extended in her hand.
I took the phone and heard the words that I have been praying to hear since graduation...
"Are you still interested in the job? Good! Heres the address, first day starts Monday after next, see you then!" Click.
I jumped up on my bed and nearly hit my head on the ceiling fan. At that moment I was the kid at Christmas, I was the fat kid with cake, I was the adolescent who just lost his virginity, I was a college grad, who just landed a job with the IRS!!!
The celebration didn't last long though because I only had a little over a week to close shop on all my Virginia affairs; pay all fines, pack all clothes. Decide who gets a goodbye, and who's life will I quietly slip out of. I Let my Lobster boss know the same day that I was leaving. He was happy for me and wished me luck. My last day was to be the following Wednesday. The next few days I sought out good friends that I hadn't chilled with in a while, because I knew that those would be the ones who I probably wouldn't see again for a very long time. I went to the bar with best friends, and toasted to a new life. The night before I left, I was full of mixed feelings. I was so happy to be starting a new chapter in my life. I spent my last night in Virginia with Taryn, who was twisting my hair. To this day I still owe her money, and I still intend to pay it, even if she's forgotten about it by now (I got you Taryn...Promise;))Sean came through to say goodbye and to crack a few last minute jokes. "She" came through too. I won't say who, but I was really happy to see her before I left. There was never any romantic involvement between us, but I always admired her, and wished that I had had the chance to get to know her better.
That night I drove home for the last time. One last romp through the Hampton streets. I cruised down Mercury Blvd, King Street. Drove around Hampton University, and visited the dock near the James River. The next morning, after taking care of some last minute preparations, I said goodbye to my mother. As much as I wanted to get away from her in the past, it was really hard leaving her that day. I put on a front like I was fine, but it was really hard. Hell, I was moving to a place 500 miles away, in which I knew no one! It was pretty intense. Yet even as I made it to Atlanta, to my dream job where I don't have to dress up, or wake up early for. My promised land where I can live as one with my people...I still have a lot to learn. These last two years have been a tremendous time of learning for me. Of growing for me. No longer am I the emotionally charged boy, who rants and raves about every little thing that doesn't go my way. I'm in charge of my own life now, and when things go wrong it's my fault. I've learned,since living here, that my perfect woman is not just going to fall into my lap, I have to be on the lookout for her, and be wise enough to not let her slip by if I meet her. I've learned that with time and patience my prayers will be answered. I've learned that no matter how cold the world can be sometimes, Karma will always work in your favor, as long as you work to sustain the goodness within yourself. I've constantly tried to improve myself since moving here, and though I may not always be successful, I will always take a lesson out of my failures.
I haven't written anything longer than a few short poems since I moved here. I plan to use the experiences that I've learned here, to renew my love of writing. I never fell out of love with it, but I have neglected it...for good reason, of course. It's really hard to write when your in the middle of a transition. Too many conflicting emotions racing around your head at one time, combined with a new and foreign city takes some time to dissect. I'm now just beginning to dissect what's in my head. To separate the lessons that I've learned while down here. I have much more to say but I will have to say it another day, because today was just an exercise. A way for me to metaphorically stretch my brain. I have to get back into the groove of phrasing my thoughts again, before I go into the specifics of my experiences in my own private promised land. So until next time, I'll leave with the same expression, because the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Peace(Y)