Sweet Serenity~ I have just started my much anticipated summer vacation. Over the last few months of school, I have really been studying hard. Mainly because my mother threatened to either, 1: Not let me take my car to school next year if my grades are bad, or 2: Take me out of school all together. So needless to say, I had a lot of "motivation" to do fairly well this year. I just checked my grades, and while their not the best, they are pretty good, considering the fact that I did a lot of shyt this past semester to put my whole college career in jeopardy. I smoked a lot, drank a lot, I basically put my body through hell this year, so I'm a try to chill out this summer. This will also probably be the first real summer "vacation" that I've had since starting college. Last summer, I had to go to school and work at the same time. I never had time to myself. Any and all money that I made at work (I'm a waiter so I get paid in cash everday) would just go into this drawer. I literally had like seven fat rolls of money in that drawer before I had the chance to go and spend it. And to add to that, I always have had some kind of girl to chill wit and get to know every summer. This summer there isn't one. I'm chillin. So I have started summer the right way this year, I went to work on mothers day and I made a cool 130 beans, and I bought a new game for my PS2: Max Payne. So that's keepin me busy. I bought a new book too. Everythings Eventual by Steven King. So I have plenty to do this summer. The only thing that sucks is that I don't have internet at home, so what you are reading now, is being done at the local library. Pretty pathetic. I have a 30 min limit so I'm typing pretty fast. And as of now, I have 5 min left. I didn't really get a chance to type what I want, so I'll just come back and add somemore later. Holla.

Peace & Happiness~ After I vented in my words yesterday, I really felt a giant chip lifted off my shoulder. For practically the whole school year, I was unhappy. After the whole thing with Jamie was torn from my hands, I was just mad at the world. My boys would call me loose cannon, and angry black man. Thats how bad I was, prone to go off at the smallest thing. "Yo, Calvin can I get some of those skittles?" "WHAT!! Nigga it's one bag of skittles, if I give you some, I gotta give everybody some. Then I'm a be stuck with a half bag of skittles. I didn't spend sixty cents to give 30 cent away." This is usually where I get a bunch of funny looks from everyone in the room, like I belong in some kind of home. As I was writing yesterday, I realized why I was so mad. Before my sophomore year here, I was used to pullin mad girls. Back in my high school years, I used to holla at every girl that I knew. "Yo, when you gonna let me hit it, *insert random girl name here*?" That's how I was. I had mad confidence. More often than not, I did what I wanted, when I wanted too. I was a little bad kid back in the day. Going to Food Lion, stealing whatever I wanted, when I wanted it, right in front of people. Like I was a fuckin God or somethin. Anywho, even when I got to college, I was always trying to meet new people, mostly girls. I would go out my way to try to know everyone that I could. Every girl that I hollared at, I considered a potential new girlfriend. That was around the time I met Jamie. I was a choosy nigga too, I wouldn't just holla at any mudduck, I have a standard of 8 or above (with an exception of a select few within my lifetime). But when, all that bullshyt went down with all the relation interruptions, I just stopped. I didn't notice I stopped, I just subcontiously stopped. And yesterday while I was writing, I finally realized that, that was the reason for me losing my confidence. After all the mess, when I would be with my niggas, and girls would come over, I wouldn't even talk, just keep to my damn self. Then by the time I would get used to their presence, and actually start talking to them, they would be in the friend zone. I think one of the reasons for me not taking the initiative to holla at anyone was because I was subcontiously looking for a girl to be like Jamie, but no one was like that. So I would just dismiss them. I know it sounds stupid but I was really feelin that girl, and if any of yall reading this has been in a similar situation, you know what I'm talkin about. You miss the way they do shyt, and you look at other people to do similar things, but it doesn't happen. Then you just say fuck it, I don't like this person, I'm gonna look somemore. Well I finally let it go, I feel like a free man today. Starting brand new. I'm not saying I'm about to just start doing the things I used to do. That would be too hard. I have to gradually get myself back to the point that I was at. I was always a semi-shy person, I had to force myself to do the things that I did, there's always that nervousness, ya know. You don't wanna get played or nothin. It just wasn't that hard to force myself back then. Now it's mad hard, and I have to man up, and get myself to that point again.
When I woke up today, like I said earlier, I was mad happy. Then as the day went by, shyt just kept getting better. I lost my class ring like a month ago, and I've been running around bugging everyone asking them to keep watch for it. First thing this morning as I was picking up some magnets ( My roommate and my boy have a bad habit of throwing refridgerator magnets, at the metal air conditioner, and they bounce off and fall everywhere.) I was moving my little bookstand, and I found my ring. It was under the desk, so whenever l looked behind it, I never saw it. So I was hyped about that. Then I went to go take my public speaking exam, and the shyt was so easy, it literally made me laugh when I saw it. After the exam, I went to go eat, and they had some bomb ass fried chicken. I was mad amped by then. I had a little swagger in my walk and everything. Nobody could have ruined my mood. I have a feeling that this summer when I get off, I will have a much better time then I have ever had for any summer vacation.

Roommates~ Before college, I never knew what the true definition of "roommate" was. I have one sister who is five years older than I, and she's been out the crib for a hot minute. So I've basically had my own room, my own privacy, my own personal space, for a really long time. When I got to college, I met my roommate, he was cool. White guy, big muthafucka too, probably fuck me up in a heartbeat (don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin I was intimidated by him, only in a "fair" fight would he fuck me up royally, but in a losing battle, this nigga will fight dirty as hell if it came to it. Fuck honor, I'm in it to save my own ass) Anywho, he was cool, went home every weekend, had the room to myself a lot. That was last year, this year was different. We chose to be roomies again, and I made that decision based on what we went through my first year. Things changed though; one major change being that he didn't go home every weekend anymore. Matter of fact, he damn near never went home, I can count the amount of times he went home this year on just over one hand. Ok, so what, he didn't go home. Well lets see, towards the beginning of the year, I was foolin around with this girl that I really had feelings for over the summer and it was really starting to get serious. Anywho, we was in the room fooling around. I stopped the action to put a note on my dry erase board that hung on the outside of my door. My roommate was gone, so there was no way he would know what we were doing. So I took the initiative to let him know on the board. So I go back to getting to work with shorty (lets call her Jamie - Names changed to protect the guilty) and I'd say about 5 articles of clothing later, my roommate comes busting through the door, we weren't too nude, but it was a shock, we were under the covers, he doesn't leave, but she does. After I come back from walking her to the shuttle stop, I ask my roomie, "What were you thinking, didn't you see the sign on the door?" "Oh, my bad, I didn't see it." Ok, honest mistake. He didn't see the board. Fine, what's done is done, he appologized, everything was cool. The next week, Jamie comes by again. This time my roommate (Lets call him Carl. Once again, names changed to protect the assh- I mean guilty) is already in the room, he see's us flirting, he see's us foolin around, so he leaves to go to the gym. ( He works out a lot, and most of his workouts last about 2 hours, except for this time) So, me thinking that he will be gone for about 2 hours, I start to get to work. I'd say about 40 mins have passed and we are about ass naked by now, ok, there is no about, we are ass naked. Just when I'm about to stick the tip of my little man in her pudding cup, here comes Carl, busting into the room. Mind you we are both BUCKID NEKKID, and this fool doesn't leave, not only does he not leave, he sits on his bed like were just some minor distraction and watches TV, a fuzzy TV at that ( I don't have cable in my room). So Jamie is duckin under the covers having a fit because he is just sitting there, and I'm just shocked out of my mind that this is happening. "Calvin, make him leave." is what she says. So I ask him to leave and he does, for a short while, just enough time for her to grab her clothes and duck into the bathroom. When he comes back in he says "hmmm, I knew I smelled something in here." I just took that as total disrespect to me and her when he said that and I was beyond mad, but I held it in. So I put on my clothes, condom still on my dick and all (yes, I was so surprised this was happening, I forgot to take the condom off) and I storm out the room with Jamie. Now behind my dorm building is a river and a dock, a very pretty scene, and that's where Jamie and I go to talk. "Calvin, this is the second time this has happened, I think it's some kind of sign that it wasn't meant to be." After that talk, things go downhill from there between Jamie and I, we don't really talk at all now. I blame him. Maybe I shouldn't but I do, and dammit, I wish I could turn back the hands of time and find a way to deadbolt that door. It's hard for me to find a girl that I'm really feeling, and for that to happen to me, it was just terrible. Anywho, over the course of the year, I try to stay out my room as much as possible cause I'm still holding this grudge against Carl, and it gets to the point that every little thing he does pisses me off. The way he eats, the way he drinks his nutrient drinks, the way he types on my computer, the way he never leaves the room and is always around. He's like Santa Clause, always watching. A pair of eyes that never seem to leave the room unless they need to work out or eat. I wondered if I was wrong for holding this grude, was is my fault that this happened. I would ask my boys but they side with me anyways, I ask one of my best friends and he says that we're both at fault. I can accept that, maybe we are both at fault, lack of communication. But at the same time, I look at it this way, if your in the room with a guy and a girl who are getting really freaky, and you leave and come back and they're under the covers, what the hell do you think they're doing. " I thought you guys were just wrestling under the covers." That's what he apparently thought we were doing. OHHH, I feel the pain just seeping away as I write this. Anywho, Fastforward to a few weeks before the present. I smoke weed everynow and then, and when you smoke, you get hungry. You get the munchies. I had a frozen dinner in my refrigerator, my mouth was just watering for those beef patties, I was gonna make me a good ass meal. I could just taste it. And just as fast as my mouth started to water, it dried when I looked in my fridge and saw that the box seemed a lil soggy. I open the box and lo and behold, my shyt has melted. My wonderful beef patties. Only one person could be responsible for this travesty. So I ask Carl. "Well my Jelly was freezing up, so I turned the temperature down." He turned the temperature down in my, let me repeat that, MY fridge. Didn't give a damn about MY food, in MY fridge, but his 2 dollar Jelly was freezing. How dare I get mad cause oh mighty Carl's Jelly was freezing. I must have been out my mind to think that MY frozen dinner was more important than his jelly. Wooo, this feels so good, forgive me for the interuption. By this time, I wanted to bash his face in. I was high, hungry, and broke. All I had in the world were those frozen beef patties and they were gone. And he seemed to deal with it like a joke. Now, I may have over reacted just a bit, but I do know one thing. Only one time did he appologize for doin me dirty. He didn't say "Calvin I'm sorry for walking in on you and Jamie." He didn't say, "Calvin I'm sorry for being the 'sign' that caused you two to stop seeing each other." (That one may have been a bit much, but I still would have liked to hear it.) He didn't say "Calvin, I'm sorry about your beef patties." The muthafucka didn't say shyt. All he did was shrug his shoulders like, " Too bad." OOOOO, I swear if I had a weapon I would have risked being put out of school that day. I just left the room MAD as HELL.
It's now the end of the year, 4 days left here, 4 days left to share a room. Only 4 days, and I can go back to being an only child. I just had to vent, but if I've learned anything from this year's experience, it's talk to your roommate, because some people obviously don't intake context clues like two naked people in a bed means their fucking. I don't like to feel unwelcome in my own room, so next year, I will do things better, and try to make my experience here a little more pleasent.

Hellish Night~ Last night was thee single worst night of sleep that I have ever tried to get. First off, I wasn't tired at around 12 so I just stayed up and kept myself entertained by playing a game on my PS2. After I died countless times in Fear Effect I finally just gave up and went outside to get some fresh air. It was raining outside still, but I liked it. Theres something extremely pleasing about a rainy day; something that I haven't been able to get over since I was a kid. Anywho, I come back in from the rain, and I'm still not tired. So I go to the study lounge in my dorm and write a lil sumthin sumthin. I ended up creating a poem about safe sex. Why I wrote a poem about safe sex, I don't know, that was just what the spirit moved me to write about. I never know what I'm a write about when I sit down to my pen and paper, it just comes out. After the first line, the rest just flows. Anywho, this is what I wrote:

Naughty Boy, Phatty Gyrl

Lust is his biggest attribute
Large brown eyes with crosshairs, that scan for the phattest ass
Broad nose that can smell "ho" for miles
Tantalizing lips that spit lines so smooth
Sugar daddy's take notes from this fool
Chocolate brown satin skin, short manicured nails
The hottest new clothes, and short trimmed wavy hair
Gotta give it to the nigga though, his shyt is together
too bad his insides is naughty, his brain churns like bad weather
A new plot everyday, "Who I'ma fuck next?"
hands touched too many breasts
His dick? Way oversexed
Shorty may have his number though, she plays the game too
Got one up on the nigga, she snuck through playa school
Her sweet madusa eyes turn dicks to stone
Thick hips that switch and lips that make grown men moan
Her tit's? Pretty big. Size D...I believe
"Naughty boy ain't gotta chance when he hook up with me."
Date One is set. May 3rd. Olive Garden.
Only thing on his mind is gettin his dick hardened
Phattygyrl ain't pay for shyt, I feel sorry for that brother
he got the check, copped the gas, but forgot about the rubbers
Phatty was mad wet, drippin all down the thighs
Naughty tore that pussy up, from sunset to sunrise
Woke up around 12 looked around, she was ghost
"Yo, what the fuck is this? Some kind of joke?!"
Pimped to the fridge, tacked on it was this note:
You should have watched who you slept with son, your time is running short
You are now HIV positive, and there's no antidote

Thats what I came up with last night, It's aiight, could be better, but I'm satisfied. Anyways, my bad night. After I leave the lounge and try to go to bed, it's already around 3 AM. So I'm laying in my bed, it's still raining mind you, and I keep hearing this rumbling. I chalk it up to thunder. It's now 4 AM and I'm still tossing and turning, the rain has stopped but I still hear that damn rumbling, so frustrated as I was by that point, I hop out of my bed, go down to the dorm lobby to hit up the snack machine and I eat my chips. I come back to my room hoping for some peace, but before I go to my bed, I hit the bathroom (a nigga gotta piss, ya know). In the bathroom I hear where the rumbling is coming from. (before I tell you, I should lay out the structure of our dorm so you all can understand. Our dorm building is a big ass 6 floor structure with two towers. Tower A and Tower B. I'm on the 3rd floor of Tower A. on each floor in each tower, there is a lobby with a study lounge, and to the left and right of the study lounge are halls. If you were to come off the elevator, you would be facing the study lounge, if you look to the right there is a big brown door that leads to my hall. Each hall consists of groups of Four people. For example, you walk into my hall and look to your left, you will see a door. That is one bedroom, if you walk into that room, there will be another door that leads to the bathroom, and in the bathroom is another door that leads to another room. In short, 4 people share one bathroom. With my case I didn't get to pick the people that I share it with, so I don't know them at all. If u want to try to find a picture try searching through here for a picture. Look under resident life or something like that.) Well, back to the story, I'm pissin in the bathroom and I hear my suitemates TV going off and I sitting there like, "That's where that damn bass is coming from." Now I'm really mad, cause it's damn near 5 in the morning, and I can't get to sleep, so I knock on the door and nobody answers. "Hmmm, I say, I'll give him one more chance." So I walk to my bed and lay in it. And I hear the rumbling again, loud as hell. Now, I'm the kind of person that hasn't really yet perfected the concept of 'not letting people walk all over you', so I'm sitting in my bed debating on whether or not I should say something to the guy, but then I just got so irritated by that, and thinking about other things, that I ran in the bathroom and knocked significantly louder than the first time. Told him to turn the noise down, and that was that. I secretly wanted him to complain so I could snap his little neck, but that didn't happen. He was just like "Ok." Funny how things never seem to go the way you think they will, huh?

Dark Clouds~ It's a rainy day, I'm in the middle of exams, and I'm ready for this year of school to end. This has been a long year of interesting experiences and there is nothing I would like more than to go home and enjoy my summer vacation. Funny, I never thought coming into this school year that the things that happened would happened. This is my sophomore year of College and I'm on my way to becoming a Junior. Time is going by so fast, just thinking that in 3 years or less, I will be on my own in the world. It's a cold hard place and I'm not excited about jumping into it. It seems like just a few years ago, I was in middle school, hangin out in the corner with my crew, acting up. Now, I'm halfway through college. I hate to admit it, but I'm actually scared. I'm scared that I'm going to get out there and screw up, end up letting my mother down or something. I'm scared that if I don't meet my future wife here in college, I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I'm scared that I may not even make it to graduation. There are a lot of asshole professors that are just out to make your life here miserable. At the same time though, I know that if I overcome all my fears and succeed, I will have a lot to be proud of. That thought alone is what keeps me going day in and day out. Making it.